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Okay, so, one of the greatest dreams I ever had was of running into George Clooney at the Home Depot, and conversing with him such topics as digital photography and deep sea fishing. He was quite an amenable and pleasant sort, and it was a complete delight to shop with him for lumber. The dream was full of such ordinary awesome, that I kind of just got it into my head that that's what he's like in real life, and instantly cemented his position at number one on my list of Top Five People I Would Like to Have Over for Dinner.

Needless to say, when I saw this video, I was filled with such girlish delight that I bounced a little in my chair and clapped my hands with glee before watching it five and a half times in succession.

George Clooney, you are made of win, and I hope you get the statue on Sunday.

On the way home from work today, I came to the sudden and unexpected realization that I hate xylophones. Much like the ever ubiquitous human pyramid, and unlike a certain amount of cowbell, they are completely unnecessary.

That is all.

Ayup, second winter storm this week. Luckily, not heart attack snow like we had Monday, but still plenty of it.

... And the return to biking season has definitely been put on hold.

Yesterday, the weather monkeys were hooting about this being the heaviest snowfall since '99. Today, they've dialed it back a bit, citing it as the most snow we've had in 26 months. Still, 10.5 inches in 18 hours is pretty impressive, especially considering I didn't wear a coat for most of last week. At 6am, we had 4-5 inches on the ground. Picturing a hellish commute both coming and going, I took a snow day. (As it turns out, this was fortunate. Chatting with folks at the bus stop this morning, I found out that our bus was very late arriving, and got stuck about four blocks from where we catch it, never making it to its destination, as far as I know.)

6am. Outlook does not look good.

The cucumber hoof makes it good.

(My bf sends me the best links.)

March 29th will mark the one-year anniversary of the death of one of comedy's finest: Mitch Hedberg. I never really got into the whole stand-up comedy thing, but Mitch Hedberg was someone that had me in stitches from the get go, despite the fact that for the longest time, I didn't even know his name (what can I say? it was a time before google!). While celebrating Hitchcock's life on the anniversary of his death seems somehow appropriate, for Mitch Hedberg, it just seemed wrong. That was a sad day, and it's hard to really articulate why. I didn't really know him. I never saw him live. There are tons of other tragedies to mourn that happened between then and now, things that go on every day. But he was young and he was talented and he was a hometown guy made good. I think the world is probably short a few smiles in his absence. And that's why I say we celebrate his work today, on his birthday. He would have been 38.

Here are some highlights:

"A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer."

"I think pickles are cucumbers that sold out. They sold their soul to the devil, and the devil is dill..."

"I like buying snacks from a vending machine because food is better when it falls. Sometimes at the grocery, I'll drop a candy bar so that it will achieve its maximum flavor potential."

"Last week I helped my friend stay put. It's a lot easier than helping someone move. I just went over to his house and made sure that he did not start to load shit into a truck."

"I saw a human pyramid once. It was totally unnecessary."

"I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it."

"I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut... I don't need a receipt for the doughnut. I give you money and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I can't imagine a scenario that I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. To some skeptical friend, Don't even act like I didn't buy a doughnut, I've got the documentation right here... It's in my file at home. ...Under 'D'."

"Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you are an alcoholic. Goddamn it Otto, you have Lupis... one of those two doesn't sound right."

"If you had a friend who was a tightrope walker, and you were walking down a sidewalk, and he fell, that would be completely unacceptible..."

"My apartment is infested with koala bears. It's the cutest infestation ever. Way better than cockroaches. When I turn on the light, a bunch of koala bears scatter, but I don't want them too. I'm like, 'Hey... Hold on fellows... Let me hold one of you, and feed you a leaf.' Koala bears are so cute, why do they have to be so far away from me. We need to ship a few over, so I can hold one, and pat it on its head."

"I had a bag of fritos, they were texas grilled fritos. These fritos had grill marks on them. They remind me of something, when we used to fire up the barbeque and throw down some fritos. I can still see my dad with the apron on, better flip that frito, dad, you know how I like mine."

"You know they call corn-on-the-cob, 'corn-on-the-cob', but that's how it comes out of the ground. They should just call it corn, and every other type of corn, corn-off-the-cob. It's not like if someone cut off my arm they would call it 'Mitch', and then re-attached it, and call it 'Mitch-all-together'. "

Thanks for the laughs, man.

And with that, I say, happy six more weeks of winter. The oracle has spoken. Or rather, Punxsutawney Phil has been spooked yet again by his own shadow, the poor schnook. So, grab a blanket and a few DVDs (maybe this one?) and snuggle in, folks. We're gonna be here for awhile.

Top Five Movies (Tentative, final coming pre-Oscars)
Walk the Line
Lord of War
Munich
King Kong
Sin City

Top Five Television Series of 2005
Deadwood (HBO)
Lost (ABC)
Alias (ABC)
Survivor (CBS)
Weeds (Showtime)

Top Five New Television Series of 2005
Weeds (Showtime)
My Name Is Earl (NBC)
Extras (HBO)
Eyes (ABC)
Supernatural (WB)

Top Five Old Songs Rediscovered in 2005
"Cocaine Blues" - Johnny Cash (1968)
"I'm On Fire" - Bruce Springsteen (1984)
"Bad" - U2 (1984)
"Don't Dream It's Over" - Crowded House (1986)
"Debaser" - The Pixies (1989)

Top Five Games of 2005
Dead or Alive 4 (XBOX 360)
Animal Crossing: Wild World (DS)
Mario Kart DS (DS)
The Sims 2: University (PC/Mac)
World of Warcraft (PC/Mac, and it came out in '04 but it's still the best game around)

1. The Strokes - First Impressions of Earth
Full review coming soon, but suffice it to say: Julian Cassablancas, you're my hero.

2. Cinnamon Dolce Lattes from Starbucks
When gods cry, I think this is what their tears taste like.

3. Diet Black Cherry Vanilla Diet Coke
Because the longer the name of the drink, the better. And because it tastes a little bit like cherry Robitussin, and not enough sodas do.

I have nothing more original to say than that. I kind of hate this holiday.

Silly me, worried all this time about zombies and ninjas when the real threat is shaping up in the form of rodentia. H.G. Wells knew it was coming, but did we listen? Of course not. Sure, they're only killing dogs now. But just you wait... it's only a matter of time before some cherub-cheeked munchkin gets dragged off into the sewers. And then? The world.

Mutant Rats Menace Belfast, Residents in fear of 'giant rats'

Now this is just wrong.

One more of many reasons I love this time of year. Last Thursday, the 2005 Beaujolais Nouveaux were released upon the world. We started out with my favourite from last year, the Joseph Drouhin, and I have to say, of this year's sampling so far, it remains king. I kind of make an exception to my preference for drier wines when it comes to Beaujolais Nouveau, because although sweet, they tend to be lighter and less cloying than say, a Riesling or a really fruity Chardonnay. But what's awesome about the last two years of Joseph Drouhin is that while you get that distinct, fresh flavor, it's not quite as sweet as some of this variety can get. This exemplifies what I love about Beaujolais Nouveaux, and would make a perfect Thanksgiving companion.

The 2005 Georges Duboeuf is an improvement over 2004's offering, tying with the Mommessin for the second spot, with the Louis Tête a rather disappointing third, considerably lacking in flavor in comparison to others (as well as to itself in previous years, 2001's being exceptionally good).

What happens to good people in bad situations?

The Stanford Prison Experiment